Kerry Payne Stailey

Left Behind

ESSAY CONTAINS EXPLICIT CONTENT

 

 

Kerry Payne won a coveted Lucie Award this week for this essay Left Behind on suicide,  and also for her The Children I Never Had. A remarkable two story validation for work that came from her own personal pain in both cases. Kerry is by all accounts a joyful woman. I never met anyone so optimistic. Yet she digs deep. Deals with her personal tragedies by using photography to heal herself and to help others. Brave. Noble. Both of her essays were published first here on Burn. So naturally we are very proud of Kerry. 

What is even better? I know for sure that Kerry will only use this award as a springboard. She will not stop here. The woman knows no bounds. I am already looking forward to where she takes us next. For sure she will take us someplace we have never been before.

-dah-

 

Bio

Kerry Payne Stailey is an Australian photographer based in New York City. She is drawn to the healing power of photography – a tool she uses for exploring and acknowledging emotions as guides to the path of happiness. Her long term project “Left Behind” probes the complicated grief facing those left behind when somebody they love dies by suicide.

 

The Children (I Never Had)

‘The Children (I Never Had)’ explores the bloody battle of infertility, of hope and loss, played out monthly by women everywhere in their fruitless quest to become mothers. Our year of reproductive discontent was poetic and confronting and bittersweet, so like the melancholy I carry for the babies I did not. These are the children I imagined would be ours, and the menstrual blood that defied us, every twenty eighth day.

——– 

I was not called to be a mother
all the years I might have been.

now there is him
and in his eyes I see them,
the children I never had.

calendars turn
a battle of wills

forgive me, love
my body has won.

so quietly
we grieve
the babies I bleed.

 

Related links

Kerry Payne Stailey

 

15 thoughts on “Kerry Payne Stailey – Left Behind”

  1. Frostfrog

    Kerry, when I came to the final photograph, I wanted to reach into my computer screen, extend my physical arms and hands through cyber space and hug you.

  2. Pingback: Kerry Payne - Entre a infertilidade e o suicídio - Foto com Café

  5. Kerry Payne

    Thank you Frostfrog, Marcin and Panos! Thanks too, to the BURN team for all you do!

    Most especially, I want to extend my deepest gratitude to DAH for pushing me, challenging me, inspiring and guiding me since I arrived in New York. Seven years ago, around this time of year, I vividly recall sitting in your loft on Day 1 of your workshop, surrounded by ‘real photographers’ and wondering why in hell’s name you’d even allowed me to participate.

    I was terrified but electrified, and I knew that life as I’d known it was about to change. Change it did. I’m so indebted to you for pushing me to tell the story I had to tell, and to the survivors who allowed me to tell their stories, in many cases for the very first time. I am more committed than ever to continue this work.

    David, without your mentorship and your ongoing support I doubt very much that any of this would have happened. I am forever grateful to you, my friend.

    To quote Andrew Brinkhorst in his lovely note to me on Facebook… sometimes ‘running away to join the circus’ pays off.

  7. Imants

    The Children (I Never Had) tells its own story with elegance and compassion. It has that neither a friend nor a fiend feel about it. Along with your burn diary some of the best stuff posted on burn but then we know that women are better photographers than men

  9. john gladdy

    I liked the original of the above work when first shown and this juxtaposition rather than overlay is even more powerful I think. I still wish that when you wanted it to look polaroid, you just shot it on polaroid. Its still relatively easy to source cameras and film and adds greatly to the authenticity of the visual part of the experience. I realise that I am in a very small minority on this but it is something i believe.
    The other essay, on suicide survivors, still only works for me as an audio piece. The images seem to be trying too hard to be somber and portentious. Almost certainly in a very small minority here also but I believe it to be the case. A more leftfield visual approach may have complimented better.

  10. Kerry Payne

    Civi, every moment is the right time to dance!

    Imants! to get a positive review from you is something most photographers aspire to ;) Thank you, my friend. I’ve just been invited to exhibit with Head On in Sydney in 2016, so hopefully we will get to raise a glass together again.

    Kyunghee, thank you so much! I hope to see you again sometime soon. Meantime, keep making dreamy images for us all to enjoy.

    John Gladdy, it’s been awhile! I think you may be confusing “The Children” with “Sonar Madre” which was a collaboration with the great Aussie photographer Natalie Grono. Two different projects, born from the same circumstances. Regarding Left Behind, I think every viewer who sees it will take from it something different, based on their own personal experiences with loss by suicide. The response I have had from survivors all around the world is good enough for me to feel that the work succeeds in what it was intended to do. But I do thank you for your input.

  13. bob black

    <3 so so so happy for kerry :)….having written long comments under both for publication, super thrilled at the award and movement and direction of Kerry's work…such a thrill to see…so won't write long now, just a glow for you..

    and btw, the children work here is so powerful even more than the early version..

    wonderful and big big hugs and love :)

    love
    b

  14. Jeremy Wade Shockley

    Powerful voice Kerry, thank you for sharing! I sincerely hope, as David said, this is only the beginning of your project…raise awayness, share your strength & of course your images! Best, Jeremy

  15. Pingback: The Children (I Never Had) | T R I N H U . P H O T O G R A P H Y

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