Sima Choubdarzadeh
Fear
I was seven years old when I got scared for the first time. I was getting back from school when my friend told me: “Did you know that if you reveal your hair out of your scarf, God will punish you by hanging you from it?” When I was 26, after all those fears and tragedies, I decided to stop saying my prayers and fearing God and Hell.
One day my husband locked me up in the house to stop me from reading books, going to the university, seeing my family, and involving with society. It was the same day when an earthquake hit our city and I was locked up in a house on the 10th floor. The thing that I was most worried about was finding the safest place to stand on, but at once I felt an empty space beneath my feet and now that is how I am afraid of people and events like quakes. However these fears have worn out and whenever they hit me, I take a step back and hide. Even not being scared comes from being scared. Within people’s silence and their eyes I can find fear. As if “fear’ is the other name for me.
I must have been treated and relieved of this pain. Talking about these issues with people not only diminished my fears but expanded them; therefore I started photography and taking photos of my fears made them curdle in my blood.
Short Bio
My name is Sima Choubdarzadeh. I am 32 years old and from Iran. When I was a little girl my father bought me photography books. I remember that I looked at them most times and they remained in my back of mind. Because I did not take photos in that time seriously and I did not want to be a photographer, I was a girl who thought always and because of that I studied philosophy at university in MA degree. Though I love philosophy, I have to relate it in my life and make it practical and concrete. It is really difficult for me to find a way: I concluded that art is the solution of my dilemma. I tried some art classes like music, dancing and woodcarving but none of them cured my mind’s engagement. Finally I discovered my childhood remains of mind and soul. I have been doing photography for three years. Now I am really pleased. I can make balance between my rationality and emotion. They dance with each other.